Sunday, May 5, 2013

A Year Ago Today...I Was Scared Out of My Mind

Last year May 5th was a Saturday.  Our lovely mother-in-law had just flown in to ABQ and Jake and I caught a plane to visit Chicago, together, for the first time.  I was scared.  I mean, so many hopes and dreams and struggles, both financially and mentally, had gone in to this trip; this moment.  I remember constantly thinking of a quote that my amazing sister-in-law, Amy* (see her story at the end of the post), had given to me with a "Fertility Package" she had put together for us:

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." -Joseph Campbell

I remember thinking that I was pretty sure that I wasn't ready to let go of the life I had planned.  In fact, I was fiercely fighting for the life I had planned for myself.  I wanted so badly to be surrounded by many children.  That was my plan.  That was what I was fighting for.  However, I knew that I needed to be content with what I had already and I had come to that point.  I had finally conceded that three children would be enough but I knew that I would never have felt fully complete.  But I was ready to put it all in the Lord's hands....after all I/we could do.  I knew that if I wanted a miracle from the Lord then I was going to have to do my part.  And we did.

When we got to Chicago I was really overwhelmed and anxious.  I was supposed to make this exact mixture  of medications and it was vital that I got it all right and I wasn't quite sure if I had.  So, thankfully, the clinic decided to mix it up for me and left it at their doorstep.  I had 2 shots to give myself that night and I had to do them at precise times in order for my retrieval to work correctly on Monday.  We went to dinner at Olive Garden and I had to leave partway through to go give myself the first shot in the bathroom.  I felt kind of sneaky, like I was doing something wrong giving myself shots in a bathroom stall!  Then we tried to go to "Thor" but it was sold out so we ended up going to "The Lucky One" (that weird movie with Zac Efron).  We weren't too impressed and ran out after to give myself the next shot in the car.  Had to be on time!  It turns out that I had actually mixed up the two shots and given the wrong one at the wrong time which my nurses were none too pleased about it turned out okay!

That was a year ago.  So many hopes, so many dreams, so much faith, and a lot of fear were overwhelming me that day.

This morning, I woke up to 2 little boys crying at 6:30 a.m.  I got to get up and put their binky's in.  They looked up to me with so much hope and joy thinking they were getting fed--but they still had to wait 30 minutes!!:)  They contentedly waited in their cribs.  When I went in at 7 a.m., Jake was getting Taya out of the crib and she was stinky.  We fed all 3 of them and then Anderson went into a talking frenzy.  Hilarious.  Then we got to bath all 3 of them and get them dressed for church all before the Brothers get up at 8 a.m.  I felt so blessed.



Never would I have imagined last year on May 5th that in one year I would be snuggling with three adorable 4 month old babies!  We are so blessed.  I don't know why we were chosen for this amazing journey but I am so grateful.  I am also grateful for the struggles and the sacrifices and the trials of faith that we had to experience.  They have greatly helped to mold us into who we are today.  They have also helped me to form this testimony of my favorite scripture:

"And no, O all ye that have imagined up unto yourselves a god who can do no miracles....Behold, I say unto you, Nay, and God had not ceased to be a God of miracles.  Behold, are not the things that God hath wrought marvelous in our eyes?  Yea, and who can comprehend the marvelous works of God?"
-Mormon 9:15-16

God is definitely a God of Miracles...still.  I know this to be true.  I have witnessed it in my life, with each of my children.  With Cooper it was the miracle of the so-called impossible, medically, happening.  With Luke, it was the miracle of adoption and selfless birth mother.  With Ethan it was the miracle of making a child without doctors.  With Anderson, Bennett, and Taya it was the incredible miracle of having three very healthy babies when we thought we were done and there were more no more avenues for us to go down.  God is definitely still a God of Miracles!




**It turns out that Amy, my sister-in-law, and her husband Beau were doing IVF the same time as us (3 days ahead of us) and nobody knew about it!  I was anxiously sending her all of my updates all the while extremely worried how she was going to take it all emotionally!  Well, they were blessed with a beautiful baby boy, Tennyson, on the same day our triplets were born!  Here she is in all of her beauty:


4 comments:

  1. yeah, that made me cry. I am so glad that our loving Heavenly father sent 3 of his most precious spirits to one of the most amazing families i know (luckily i get to be related to you too).
    I am so happy for you. Those little babies (all 6 of them) are so amazing!!!

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  2. You guys are amazing!! And those babies are so darling!

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  3. Do you know why you have received all of the miracles you have Emily and Jake?!! Because of this line you wrote (that is more than obvious that it is engraved on your heart!): "I don't know why we were chosen for this amazing journey but I am so grateful." Underline the line "I am so grateful" You have always been joyful about your journey. You have always been full of faith and hope. You have always been willing when others have not or might not be so... that is why you were CHOSEN. I was reading in the scriptures the other night the scripture that said "Many are called but few are chosen, and why are they not chosen? Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—
    That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness..."
    So many people have their hearts set upon the things of this world. So many people in your same situation would get depressed, would say no, would give up! Would reject the miracles! Would rather have a nice car and a "busy w/ 'important' self-promoting things image" But you have taken the road less traveled by... YOU have welcomed them, you have been grateful for them, you have recognized them as GREAT BLESSINGS from God. You both are such amazing WILLING receivers, full of faith. I'm sure these six children will tell the stories of your faith, hope, & love in action for generations to come. I just love you and am amazed by you and pray for you and want to be more full of gratitude, like you! Thanks for your great examples! Yes, God does things that look small to the eyes of men, but they are not at all small. I tell your story to so many people! Your hearts are fresh ground for miracle growin'! :)

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  4. I am so happy my friend sent me your blog! I am currently 19 weeks pregnant with triplets (high dose clomid), we have already experienced major heartache and major miracles (gotta love fasting and prayer!) with this pregnancy and are hoping everything will go smoothly here on out. They are now concerned about TTTTS but I have hope everything will work out and it won't come to that. It's so nice to find an uplifting blog with the same religious background as me! Some of the triplet blogs out there just plain scare me! I hope to be sharing a happy story like yours very soon! Ours are all boys. My blog is http://www.twoandtriplets.com/. Can't wait to go and read more of your posts now!

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